The past week and a half has been entirely too draining. Death, lack of sleep, soreness, people not realizing my worth, over-doing it physically, all sorts of things. But I have seemed to survive it which is all that matters. I always seem to give entirely too much of myself out and not get the same in return, but it takes a toll on me mentally and physically. I give with my whole self, but the damages are sometimes entirely too much. So here's to a much needed rest. Here's to no longer giving everything despite getting nothing. From now on, I will only give in such a selfless manner when it is beneficial to me.
Aside from the pressure and mental and physical draining, things have been going decently. I feel so deeply for those people who cannot see beyond the terrible to get to the good stuff, the ones who only focus on the negatives all around them rather than seeing all the positives. Life, relationships, etc are like anything else, you only get out of them what you put into them.
It's a new year and I plan to work on not draining myself to give to those who don't give to me. I plan to continue seeing the beauty even in the ugly, and I plan to keep refusing to let MS or various other things ruin my life. I also plan on getting back into some form of working out and eating healthier.
Mortality is something that's always on your mind when you have an illness. I'm at the point where dying or having anything serious happen to me physically wouldn't scare me. I think I've made a difference to people and have lived well. But, with mortality always on your mind, you become so much more aware of how we are given one body and one chance. So I'm going to treat it better this year. I'm going to keep on going and stop putting myself through the ringer to get nothing back, eat healthier, and live better. Hopefully it gets me somewhere.